Here's Your Sign!

Parents, as a courtesy: Beware, this post is about sexual relations, and though I assume that you have--by this point--figured out that I have had them, since I have produced two bebes, I am also aware that you may not want to read about it here (or anywhere!).

For the rest of you:  Let's take it back...to the late 1990's.  You there?  Remember when that guy did those "here's your sign" bits?  It was stuff like: So, I was sitting along the road with the hood of my car popped up and smoke billowing from the engine, and some man pulled up and asked, "Are you having car trouble?" ...HERE'S YOUR SIGN!

Well, I'm aware that "here's your sign" in pop culture generally refers to stupid behavior, but in my house, "signs" are more often in reference to "friskiness," if you know what I mean.

When we were first married, I took notice of an interesting phenomena: every time I washed the sheets and remade the bed, Greg would inevitably initiate "frisky frollicking" that same evening.  Much to my initial annoyance, I might add.  I get it that all people enjoy the fresh scent and crisp smoothness of freshly-washed sheets...in that they would inhale their freshness and cuddle in deeper for an especially rejuvenating sleep experience.  Not that they would become so invigorated by the freshness that they would want to get fresh on the fresh sheets...thus spoiling their freshness!

This sheet-washing and immediately subsequent sheet-dirtying occurred with such regularity that I finally had to ask Greg what was up.  His answer made me marvel at the one-track nature of the male mind...  He said something to the effect of: when I got into bed and realized that you washed the sheets during the day, it made me think that you thought of sleeping in our bed tonight, and when I knew that you thought about tonight during the day, it made me wonder if you might have thought about getting "frisky" tonight, which made me "frisky" just thinking of you thinking about us getting "frisky."

Don't tell him this, but I can assure you that I was not thinking about getting "frisky" while I was washing the sheets.  I was thinking about washing the sheets.

Anyway, now I have to be careful about washing the sheets because now that we had the discussion about the sheets phenomenon, it has become a "sign."  Like shaving.

(Apparently he thinks that I only shave for his pleasure...as opposed to to keep my legs from looking like a woolly mammoth.)