I believe I have had the funny knocked right out of me...
It is summer vacation, and now I have TWO uber-demanding ladies simultaneously demanding my attention from dawn until dusk and wellll beyond. I also have been working, riding, and packing up my house.
In my free time, I sleep (and watch the Bachelorette, but don't tell anyone!).
Many of you have requested a next post. I hear you, I hear you. I do. But, I just sat down to write this and company showed up.
It is not meant to be at this exact moment, but I promise to try again soon. Don't worry--I will bring my funny then.
Photos by Amanda Naylor, PThreePhoto.com
Tuesday, June 21, 2011
Saturday, June 4, 2011
Nothing Beyond This Box IS FOR SALE!!!
As I was putting up my garage sale signs last week, my neighbor slash realtor quipped, "Whoa, I am pretty sure that your buyer thought that the garage went with the house!"
Little did I know how much genuine confusion there would actually be about what exactly was for sale at my garage sale.
I had set the tables up in a horse shoe around the perimeter of my garage, with the open end facing the open double garage door. I placed them tightly against the edges to assure that my customers could see that they were to remain on the front side of the tables. Our "cash register" boxes and pens, etc. were placed behind several tall kitchen appliances, well out of eye sight or reach of the customers in the middle of the horseshoe. I even placed signs on some of our stuff so that no one would ask if it was for sale.
I thought it was a well-planned out, shopper-friendly, straight-forward layout.
Our first customer, was a man came who believed--erroneously--that EVERYTHING on any table--even those things that were well behind the taller objects and out of sight and reach of a normal customer on the customary front side of the display were for sale.
"There is a purse sitting back there with things in it. Is this for sale?" he says with a thick accent. "No, it is not." We reply politely.
"The cell phone beside it. Is this for sale?" he continues.
"No, it is not." We reply a bit more forcefully.
"The box with the change in it. This is for sale, no?" (I kid you not.)
"No, those are our personal things that we need to have this sale." We say, exasperated.
"They should not be at sale if they not for sale. I give you $3 for this gold necklace with diamonds--if you have a magnet and a magnifying glass." GET OUTTTTTT!!!!!!!! Leave my garage sale NOW, I scream in my head. I am mentally putting down my garage door, smashing this annoying shopper, and getting back under the covers of my bed.
Several more shoppers come and buy without incident. I think we are in the clear when another non-native English speaker goes behind my horseshoe-shaped counter and begins examining Greg(apostrophe)s mountain bike. "No, no that is not for sale," I say, pointing to the 8.5x11" paper sign with block letters that reads "NOT FOR SALE" that is taped onto the bike and a few other personal items that remained in the garage (behind the counter! like our stroller and bike trailer).
I herd him back to the customer side of my sale and begin sell something to someone else who is better behaved. Seconds later, he has squeezed behind my tables again--placed rather tightly against the walls to make it obvious that shoppers were not to go behind them--and is rummaging through my shoe rack. "NOT FOR SALE," I scold him more harshly, and gesture for him to get back onto his side of the tables, as he does not understand my words.
Flustered by this continuous invasion of my personal space, I set up large cardboard boxes around the perimeter of my tables. I stack them on bins, step ladders, and other miscellaneous stuff so that they are unmissable at eye level. I write on them with bold permanent marker "NOTHING BEYOND THE TABLES IS FOR SALE." Then I place more signs directly on the objects that are not for sale that say, "NOT FOR SALE," in red, blue, and black marker.
As I am placing my last box, a woman is picking up one of the other boxes that says, "NOTHING BEYOND THIS BOX IS FOR SALE," and pushing the step ladder out of the way to get a better look at my shoes that say, "NOT FOR SALE." I am beginning to lose my temper. "No! Those are not for sale. Nothing behind the table is for sale!"
Her first-grade aged son explains to her in Spanish that the stuff is not for sale because she does not understand me or my signs. She acts miffed that I have falsely advertised or misleadingly branded my junk.
I guess you need an advanced degree in world languages in order to successfully host a garage sale--ie., not lose any of your personal belongings that are labeled "NOT FOR SALE." My fault that the signs that cordoned off and identified my personal space and belongings were not multi-lingual, involving at least 4 different languages and several more dialects.
Garage sales: no longer in the realm of the merely bilingual.
Little did I know how much genuine confusion there would actually be about what exactly was for sale at my garage sale.
I had set the tables up in a horse shoe around the perimeter of my garage, with the open end facing the open double garage door. I placed them tightly against the edges to assure that my customers could see that they were to remain on the front side of the tables. Our "cash register" boxes and pens, etc. were placed behind several tall kitchen appliances, well out of eye sight or reach of the customers in the middle of the horseshoe. I even placed signs on some of our stuff so that no one would ask if it was for sale.
I thought it was a well-planned out, shopper-friendly, straight-forward layout.
Our first customer, was a man came who believed--erroneously--that EVERYTHING on any table--even those things that were well behind the taller objects and out of sight and reach of a normal customer on the customary front side of the display were for sale.
"There is a purse sitting back there with things in it. Is this for sale?" he says with a thick accent. "No, it is not." We reply politely.
"The cell phone beside it. Is this for sale?" he continues.
"No, it is not." We reply a bit more forcefully.
"The box with the change in it. This is for sale, no?" (I kid you not.)
"No, those are our personal things that we need to have this sale." We say, exasperated.
"They should not be at sale if they not for sale. I give you $3 for this gold necklace with diamonds--if you have a magnet and a magnifying glass." GET OUTTTTTT!!!!!!!! Leave my garage sale NOW, I scream in my head. I am mentally putting down my garage door, smashing this annoying shopper, and getting back under the covers of my bed.
Several more shoppers come and buy without incident. I think we are in the clear when another non-native English speaker goes behind my horseshoe-shaped counter and begins examining Greg(apostrophe)s mountain bike. "No, no that is not for sale," I say, pointing to the 8.5x11" paper sign with block letters that reads "NOT FOR SALE" that is taped onto the bike and a few other personal items that remained in the garage (behind the counter! like our stroller and bike trailer).
I herd him back to the customer side of my sale and begin sell something to someone else who is better behaved. Seconds later, he has squeezed behind my tables again--placed rather tightly against the walls to make it obvious that shoppers were not to go behind them--and is rummaging through my shoe rack. "NOT FOR SALE," I scold him more harshly, and gesture for him to get back onto his side of the tables, as he does not understand my words.
Flustered by this continuous invasion of my personal space, I set up large cardboard boxes around the perimeter of my tables. I stack them on bins, step ladders, and other miscellaneous stuff so that they are unmissable at eye level. I write on them with bold permanent marker "NOTHING BEYOND THE TABLES IS FOR SALE." Then I place more signs directly on the objects that are not for sale that say, "NOT FOR SALE," in red, blue, and black marker.
As I am placing my last box, a woman is picking up one of the other boxes that says, "NOTHING BEYOND THIS BOX IS FOR SALE," and pushing the step ladder out of the way to get a better look at my shoes that say, "NOT FOR SALE." I am beginning to lose my temper. "No! Those are not for sale. Nothing behind the table is for sale!"
Her first-grade aged son explains to her in Spanish that the stuff is not for sale because she does not understand me or my signs. She acts miffed that I have falsely advertised or misleadingly branded my junk.
I guess you need an advanced degree in world languages in order to successfully host a garage sale--ie., not lose any of your personal belongings that are labeled "NOT FOR SALE." My fault that the signs that cordoned off and identified my personal space and belongings were not multi-lingual, involving at least 4 different languages and several more dialects.
Garage sales: no longer in the realm of the merely bilingual.
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