Just a heads up: this post is about poop (and me), which is a decidedly unladylike topic of polite conversation--heretofore the crux of this blog, to be sure! Read on if you dare...
I know that a lot of people have a lot of problems with pooping or not pooping or not pooping enough. I, thankfully, do not. Personal pooping doesn't generally even enter my radar, what with all of the poop issues that pop up around me: I have to hear about Alyssa's poop, Greg's poop, and the most-dreaded "Mama, Mama, boo-poo, Mama" from Brooke. Oh, the abundant joys of family life...
Today I had an appointment to have my riding jacket tailored because I have a show coming up next weekend (yay!). All morning, I had been having wrenching stomach cramps, gurgling, just general garden-variety gastrointestinal distress. (Think: Pepto commercial.) Without getting too graphic, I will say that I tried to relieve my issues oftentimes without success; I even went so far as to around when I was driving to my appointment to try again at home.
Of course, as I entered the parking lot of the tailor shop, my stomach did it's ultimate drop, and I knew I needed to find a restroom fast! Once inside, I inquired about a public restroom. I was shown to a tiny room directly behind the front counter. In spite of the restroom's lack of exhaust fan, paper thin walls, and absurdly close proximity to the staff and other customers adjacent in the front room, I was utterly relieved to be in there...until I sat down on the toilet and came eye-level with a neon, laminated sign from "the Management," which stated:
"Please do not do #2 in this bathroom. It would be very inappropriate to do in our front counter restroom."
[the eeearrrrch sound of a tape rewinding]
Whaaaa? Excuse me?! Inappropriate? It is not exactly a choice when Nature calls! They don't say when Nature implores or inquires or suggests....she CALLS to action. Believe me, it is certainly not that I WANT to do my business in their business. I generally avoid using public restrooms altogether, and I would never do #2 in a friend's or family member's bathroom unless I had no other choice. I think of myself as a very polite, and very personal pooper.
I seriously considered leaving the shop before my appointment even began. I urgently needed a REAL restroom, and I was sort of indignant about the rules and regs of this quote-unquote public restroom. What nerve?! What a way to treat one's customers? ...talk about inappropriate.
Can you even believe this? Does anyone have any other misadventures to share? Is this common?
.... That is the most absurd thing I HAVE EVER HEARD OF....
ReplyDeleteSo, does the owner have their own "personal potty" that's in the back of the store.. FAR away from the "Front Counter" Restroom, in case of a #2 emergency? Or, are they (the owner) or their workers never allowed to have a gastrointestinal emergency....
I, myself, have a thing about pooping in a public restroom OR even a friend/family members toilet. Only in emergencies does this occur....
But, I think I would just die, if what happened to you.. happened to me...
Because when your stomach drops like that.. you know... it's coming, whether you want it to or not.
Time for sharing:
When I was in 4th Grade, the girls in my class all made a decision to wear spring dresses on the same day... so, I did too.
I was riding into school, with my cute sunflower sun dress on, when my stomach started to gurgle, rumble, and feel heavy... I knew it was coming.
I was on the bus, what was I to do? I willed my stomach and bowel to cooperate. I prayed for us to reach school quickly.
We did. I made it to school.
The bus driver, wouldn't let me off early, even though I begged and pleaded that I needed to use a bathroom. That it was an emergency!
Nope. Not Allowed.
So, I hoped and prayed... not to mention turned my knuckles white by gripping on to the bus seat.
I didn't make it.
Not
even
close.
Once I actually made it into school... I ran to the nearest bathroom and cried.
WE HAD THE MEANEST BUS DRIVER EVER.
My teacher finally came and found me.
Someone had alerted her that I wasn't leaving the little girls' room.
My mom came, and I went home.
WORST #2 Experience Ever.
Hope my misadventure helped!
Both of these stories are absurd!!!!!! Maybe they bus driver and riding coat tailoring shop owner have never had such an urged experience, but I find that hard to believe. Sometimes it must be done!
ReplyDeleteAnd so ... what did you do? #2 or no #2??? Who is this tailor anyway? I can't possibly go there now. I sure hope it's not my tailor, because if it is, i would be so tempted to print out your story, minus the word "riding" (jacket), and post it on their toilet wall right above that "No #2" sign!
ReplyDelete