I Just "Sexted" My Mom

Oh, yes, I did.

I sent my first "sext" (a sexually-explicit text message).  To my mom.

You, see, since I have been winding down breastfeeding Brooke, I have begun to notice some frightening changes to my breasts.  Namely, one is about two cup sizes larger than the other one (at all times, with no regard to engorgement!). 

I realize that it is totally normal for one breast to be larger than the other.  This is a different animal--a significant difference.  I'm going to go so far as to call it a freakish difference.

Since Brooke was born...one year and 3 days ago...I have been living pretty much constantly in my 2 sports bras and 3 nursing tanktops with built-in bras--brown, black, and grey.  The girls have been supported, but in a very utilitarian and most un-glamorous fashion.  (They are workin' boobs now, after all.)

Well, upon Brooke's first birthday, I thought it was high time to return to normal bra usage, as in my pre-pregnancy bras.  These are 34B, which is, I assume, a glorified A.

Sidenote: While I was pregnant, I was a 34DD, which was AWESOME!  I guess I can kiss those bras goodbye...(along with their accompanying Pam Anderson-esque filling).

Anyway, I put on one of my pre-p bras yesterday, and became even more aware of my ghastly unevenness.  My "B" cup bra is waaay too roomy for breast #1, but waaay too small for breast #2.  Serious problems unsued, as I'm sure you can imagine.

As breast #2 spilled over the cup, it pulled the whole bra its direction.  Poor breast #1 was unable to keep the underwire under, so it got mangled and smashed in the process.  The cup for breast #1 ended up mostly above the scoop of my shirt (ie., visible to the world).  Breast #1 didn't stand a chance against breast #2, which has a significant weight advantage...and the bra was completely useless to keep the girls under control and, more importantly, under the cover of my clothing!!

I did what any girl who loves her mama would do in this situation:  I texted her a picture of my lopsided chest wrestling with the useless, ineffectual 2-cups-the-same-size bra!