I Have No Excuse...Here's My Excuse

I guess I sort of feel like sharing my life (at least the funnier parts that I have license to edit creatively) on this blog is--with every post--sort of like going to one's highschool reunion.

It should be noted that I have not attended any of my highschool reunions to date.

What I mean to say is: by posting, I share the innermost workings of my family...and my miiiind (a la Franc the wedding coordinator in "Father of the Bride").  I hold a microscope up to all of our triumphs and foibles, and I say, look at what we are doing!  Aren't we cute?  Aren't we funny?  Aren't we unique?  The whole point of sharing these anecdotes was to entertain you with how special we are...how special our experiences are (albeit weird, pathetic, shocking, and bizarre).

It has been as impossible for me to edit our current living situation into something worth posting on Momglomerate as it might be, say, for a person who has gained 400 pounds, been to jail 5 to 7 times, is thrice divorced, and appeared on Jerry Springer (insert your own unimpressive resume items non grata here), to attend their highschool reunion with their head held high.

Sidenote:  At the time of my five year reunion, I had quit college after attending three separate institutions, had a child out of wedlock, had been recently divorced, was living above my parents' garage, and was unsuccessfully trying to start a business, which would eventually fail....impressively.  In such dire straits, there was no way for me to present my situation in a way that would engender anything but pity from my peers, who were doubtless recent recipients of shiny college diplomas...on their way to starting graduate school or traveling the globe or embarking on fabulously exciting professional careers or planning their proper (unpregnant) marriages that would last forever--or at least longer than mine had.

Back to the present...come on, try to keep up, why don't you?  GOSH!  Currently, I'm working at a tiny table that my legs do not fit under smashed in the midst of the chaos that reigns supreme in my parents' office: ergonomically correct it is not; efficient it is not.  I access the internet through a little cord that is directly attached to the parental cable internet box thingy.  It is like a mini-analogy of my life: tethered to my generous parents by an as-yet un-snipped umbilicus.  I reckon that it must be akin to being re-virginized (which I have recently heard of) how I have seemingly re-entered the proverbial womb.

My independence--along with all of our stuff--is jam-packed into our storage unit, awaiting the glorious day--hark, October 18th--when we can move out of here and into our own space.  (At the risk of sounding ungrateful....and I'm definitely not.  Ungrateful, that is.  Thanks parents!!)  A space where someone doesn't say loudly things exactly like, "Someone used my pen!  I found it on the magazine beside the computer, and it is supposed to be on the base of the computer monitor!  And it's lid was OFF!  You CANNOT use my pen.  It was very expensive.  Like hundreds of dollars.  ARRRGGH!"

You try to find the inspiration to write a funny blog post in a room where a pen of that magnitude resides (on the base of the computer monitor).

I have no excuse for not posting regularly.

But if I did, that would be it.  The pen...or more precisely, its owner.  Sapping my creative energies.

Oh, My!...What is a Reciprocal Link?

Oh, my gosh!  I have been trying to spend some time this evening researching ways to increase traffic to my blog.  Unfortunately, I am not the most computer literate person.  Translation:  I have a list of suggestions that I don't understand a bit.  Translation:  I have a lot of Googling to do.

Yes, it's official; I am in over my head with trying to optimize...it's all pingy this and domain name that.  eHow, eHow?  Where are you?...help me!  I want to generate good traffic and take Momglomerate global, but I have SO much to learn.

To those of you who seem to be much more technically proficient than I:  I want to sincerely thank some readers for apparently linking the blog to Facebook!  I don't know how you did it, but I am really very appreciative.  I have been getting more and more traffic every day.

If anyone else knows how to link me to other relevant pages, please feel free to do so--and by all means, explain it to me!  (And if anyone knows a tutor for blog-optimization, that would be helpful, too!)

I'm going to keep looking at CPCs, CPMs, affiliate links, privacy policies, guest posting, community sites, blogcarnivals...  and what the bleep is a reciprocal link, anyway?

(Need OJ very badly.)

Who am I and Why am I Blogging? Well...What Did YOU Do Today?

Who am I?  

(Honestly, if I think about that too hard, I have absolutely no idea where to begin.)  So, here is the most superficial, shortest short version ever: I am Aubrey, the daughter of more loving parents than one child deserves, the wife of postman Greg, and the mother of 7-year-old Alyssa and 11-month-old Brooke.  I have been keeping a friend’s 1-year-old baby for the duration of this school year (he shall remain nameless until I get her permission to share).  We have two indoor fur babies, dogs named Ringo and Hemi, and five outdoor fur babies, horses named (in ascending size order) Forrest, Yankee, Gabhann, Zephyr, and Finn.  We used to have a fish tank with various aquatic inhabitants, may they rest in peace.

Why am I Blogging?

Although I have been rocking my home-based momglomerate since Brooke was born last May, I have struggled with maintaining a positive spirit despite the isolation.  It isn’t that I’m not nailing the momglomerate—don’t get me wrong—we don’t run out of groceries or clean underwear, my house is decluttered, counters clear, Alyssa has her homework done, and the baby doesn’t have diaper rash!  It isn’t that I am bored, because all of you know that there is more than enough “housework” to keep any mama busy.  It is just that I am lonely.  I think of lots of great (well, some are great) ideas, and most days I have two dogs and two infants to bounce them off of.

My mind is constantly working.  I have a lot to say.  Thankfully, I am a trained writer.  My mom thinks that I have a fear of greatness, which may or may not be true.  Case in point, I am writing a series of autobiographical memoirs, but I am totally afraid to publish them…or not be able to publish them.  (I’m not sure which would be worse at this point).  So, a blog seems like a perfect way for me to dip my toes back into writing for an audience.  I don’t have to worry about pitching my writing to an editor and failing.  Blogging is a way for me to share these moments of genius with others who will understand and maybe even appreciate them.

While all of that is true, I must also admit that I’m inspired to begin this blog because I want to be able to better answer this question: “What did you do today?”  The most irritating question in the world and oftentimes fighting words in this house.  I hear it about five minutes after Greg comes home from work every day (to a picked up, vacuumed, 2-dog, 2- to 3-kid household, with all of his laundry done and folded, dinner in the oven, and a wife who still has hay in her hair and mud on her jeans from the horse farm).  Apparently all of that stuff doesn’t count as valid, time-consuming activity.  For a few weeks, I responded honestly when he asked this most irritating question in the world, that I was writing my memoirs.  He made no reply to this, as if I had said my usual, cleaning, laundering, driving, baby-chasing answer.  He thought I was joking.  I’m not joking:  I am a professional writer (or at least that’s what it says on my degree…right beside Magna Cum Laude).  I will write.  I will get some respect.  

Hopefully, I will also get some MONEY! 

(Seriously, I am a freelance writer and editor for hire.  E-mail me!  ...seriously.)